Archive for the ‘Paris’ Category

10/7/19, “A Little Crazy”

Posted on October 7, 2019

 

 

Hi Everyone,

 

I hope you had a good week—-no bumps and all smooth sailing, with some fun thrown in for good measure. I worked hard this week, and worked straight through two nights in a row….so I’ve been busy (on new books!!).

 

Two things caught my attention this week, in a lighter vein, which make me wonder if the constant stresses we all deal with have made us hungry for almost anything to distract us. It’s hard not to take life too seriously with the pressures we are under, the uncertainties in the world—-we definitely need more humor in our everyday lives, and some people go to great lengths to find distraction and achieve it.

 

A friend told me this week that their new passion is “Escape Rooms”—–a while back I told you about “break rooms”, where people pay a small amount to smash a room full of old TV sets, dishes, and assorted breakables to get out their hostilities (better that than a mass shooting). Now apparently “Escape Rooms” are the new fad. Apparently, there is a theme, either horror or murder. There’s a ‘story line’—-someone is out to get you. You can go through the Escape room with up to four people, you get locked in, in the dark, and then have to escape a ‘murderer after you with an axe’, or a ghoul of some kind. You have an hour to “escape”, and you spend an hour scared out of your wits, running away from whoever is out to get you. It sounds crazy, but the people who do it love it and rave about it. I think I would have nightmares for a month, and trying to get out of a locked, dark space, with someone chasing after me would totally terrify me. Imagine doing that for fun, and paying for it. But maybe it’s better than crying over your taxes, moaning over your bills, fighting with your boyfriend or worrying about your kids. Trying to escape a man with an axe would definitely be a distraction!!! So that’s the latest fad. I am DEFINITELY not brave enough to do that. It sounds like kind of an abbreviated more terrifying version of the murder mystery weekends people were doing for a while, trying to figure out who the murderer is. Apparently “Escape Rooms’ are great stress relievers, although I think it would stress me more than real life!!!

 

The other story that caught my attention this week is another modern day phenomenon, and I’m not sure whether to be shocked or amused by it. I’ve often told you about the Paris fashion shows, which people in the fashion world in Paris, Milan, London, and New York, take VERY seriously. Fashion is big business today, and there is a lot of glamour, excitement and sophistication associated with it, and people beg to go to the fashion shows during fashion week. All of the shows are by invitation and the invitations are extremely hard to come by. And the Chanel ready to wear show in Paris is about as big and glamourous as it gets, as I’ve described to you before.

 

Well, this week, during the Chanel show, a young 28 year old comedian who considers herself a “Professional Crasher” somehow got into the building (the Grand Palais) where the fashion show takes place, she wore an old Chanel suit of her mother’s, a hat and platform shoes, and hopped onto the runway, and joined the parade of models walking down the runway. She was immediately observed, stunned the crowd, and marched right along like one of the models, until one of the models stopped her (the security men didn’t know what to do and were afraid to disrupt the show). Gigi Hadid, a famous model, blocked the crasher, I think 3 other models joined in, and they hustled her backstage and got her off the runway. The fact that she pulled it off at all is amazing, and I don’t know what the consequences were. (You can see the event on YouTube, Paris Crasher crashes Chanel fashion show, or something to that effect). Apparently she was vastly amused at the stunt, has crashed other events, and someone else crashed another show in Paris last week. Apparently the Chanel crasher decided that we all take fashion too seriously so she added some levity to it. It certainly must have been disruptive, and part of me is shocked—-but maybe this is how people are responding now to frightening world news, mass attacks, and all the things that frighten and worry us in today’s world, from climate change to how to protect our children in an increasingly dangerous world. Maybe that opens the door to people doing some seriously crazy stuff just for amusement’s sake, to take our minds, and theirs, off the serious stuff. No one was injured, she wasn’t protesting anything, she had no message to share, she just wanted to get on the runway of the Chanel show and to see if she could do it—-and she did.

 

I was editing one of my upcoming books this weekend, and came across something I wrote in the book: “No dream is too big if you believe in it. You can do anything you want if you try hard enough.” They seem like wise words—I’m usually wiser in my books than I am in real life. But it’s something to think about. And in the same book, “you have to be a little crazy in life”. There seems to be a lot of that around these days!!!

 

Have a great week—–not too crazy, but safe, happy, productive, and fun!!!

 

love, Danielle

 

 

8/5/19, “Some Like It Hot”

Posted on August 5, 2019

 

Hi Everyone,

 

I hope you had a great, fun, and relaxing week. I hope you’re sitting on a beach somewhere, relaxing, or under a tree in the country, having some down time!!!

 

I’ve been whining a lot about the weather lately!!. I grumble all winter about the cold, wet, and sometimes even snowy blizzard-y weather, and am thrilled when the warm weather rolls around. Only this year, I’ve been in 2, possibly 3 just brutal heat waves. Two in France, and one in NY when I was flying through for a couple of days. Like childbirth, one forgets how miserable a heat wave can be. One kind of expects it in NY but it’s much more unusual in France. And this year in France, we had history making temperatures. One night at 4 am, it was 104 degrees, another day it reached 111, and there is almost no air conditioning in France, except in big hotels and supermarkets. It almost never would occur to me to check into a hotel, and I didn’t think of it this time—-but I will next time. Very few homes in France have air conditioning, you just don’t need it except in the South. And most buildings are very old (including mine), many buildings and homes in France are 200 or 300 years old, and it’s apparently very difficult to install. And landlords won’t let you put it in if you rent. Instead, many people have archaic machines (that look like a small refrigerator, it has a tube about 8 inches across, you hang the tube out the window, and supposedly it will eventually cool down the room. It actually works surprisingly well, but it’s not like the state of the art built in air conditioning systems in the US.  We put one of those in each room, and two good fans.

 

I have to tell you, the day that it was 111 degrees, I was melting. And I was worried about my dogs. I kept wetting them down all day and night.

There was one massive heat wave in June, and another in July, it was hot as blazes in the South of France, and when I flew to NY to visit my daughters there, it was close to 100 degrees. It was 95 degrees and then alarmingly close to 100   for the duration of my brief stay. When I landed in NY it Was 98 degrees, still in the realm of the bearable, though not by much.!!!

 

I actually wrote a book while I was boiling and suffered, but both books I worked on turned out well.

 

I’ve decided that I like the cold winter weather better after all. It’s a lot easier to dress warmly and add lots of sweaters under a warm coat, than to try and cool off in record breaking heat (the temperature during the second heat wave broke all records in France. I would have loved to sleep at my local supermarket!!!)

 

And by blissful contrast, when I flew in and out of San Francisco, to see my kids, it was the usual freezing San Francisco summer weather, in the 60’s in the daytime, gray and foggy and about 50 degrees at night…..heavenly!!!

 

I hope the temperatures won’t be too extreme wherever you are this summer!!!! keep cool!!!

 

 

love, Danielle

 

7/15/19, Precious Days

Posted on July 15, 2019

 

Hi Everyone,

 

I hope you’re having a good summer so far, not too hot, not too busy, with some real time off to relax and take a break. I had my annual week’s holiday with my kids, and now it’s back to work for me. I’m working on three outlines, have a book to edit, and will start a new book soon. So the real vacation is over for me, except for a long weekend in August with my kids. I spend a week with my five youngest children in July every year, which I look forward to all year, and is the only real vacation I take. I have to admit that I miss the days when I spent the whole summer with my children, not working at all, but with their jobs and busy lives that’s not possible anymore, and I am grateful for the one precious week we share now. This was the first year that one of them couldn’t come, and it was an adjustment and we all missed her. I even take my three dogs, Minnie, Blue and Lili on holiday with us!!!

 

We spend the vacation in France every year, and the days pass too quickly. One of the things I love on our vacation every year is that I go to a tiny beautiful little 11th century church, tucked away, on top of a hill, with an incredible view of the sea. It’s a very special place, and miracles are said to happen there, or as a result of prayer there. It has a wonderful peaceful feeling, and I make sure to visit it every year.

 

Everyone swims a lot, relaxes, and meals are an important part of the day, where we get together and talk and laugh (and eat too much!!!). We play lots of Scrabble, liar’s dice sometimes, cards, and added dominoes this year, which was really fun. It’s interesting to share thoughts and opinions and different points of view, they keep me up to date on a Millennial perspective on life, and we all make suggestions that are sometimes very helpful with whatever we’re dealing with at the time. My children are ALL very different from each other, so it’s a whole range of thoughts and philosophies on life. Those who have them, bring their partners, which broadens the perspective too, on everything from health to politics, to the wishes and dreams we all cherish, or the disappointments they’ve recently gone through, or challenges in their jobs. They are all very generous with their opinions and advice, which is sometimes challenging, but always well meant, and most of the time helpful. The week we spend together is a wonderful break from the pressures of “Real Life”. Their jobs are as different as they are, so we all learn something about the fields in which they work (fashion, startups, sports, finance, and my writing).

 

I’ve mentioned before that I collect favorite quotations, and have since I was in my teens. I’m currently thinking of putting together a book of my favorite quotes (some from famous people, others anonymous, and even some by children). If I do it, it will come out for Christmas this year. It’s fun going through my favorites, trying to decide which to share. They inspire me in my life, and I thought it would be fun to share them with you!!!

 

Whatever you’re doing this summer, I hope you have a break for some relaxation and fun, on your own or with favorite people, travelling, or even close to home.  We all need a break from whatever we do, although I’m always excited to get back to work even after a short break. It energizes me to take a little time off. I miss my kids like crazy after our vacation is over…..but back to work, which keeps me busy!!  Have a great week, and I hope your summer is off to a wonderful start!!!

 

love, Danielle

 

 

6/17/19, Sunny Days After The Storms

Posted on June 17, 2019

 

 

Hi Everyone,

 

I hope you had a good, healthy, happy, fun, productive week since I last wrote to you.

 

It turns out that my last blog to you was somewhat prophetic. It’s funny how timing works that way sometimes—when you read something or hear something that is exactly appropriate to whatever is happening to you at the time. My last blog was about the resilience of palm trees in a storm, how they bend right down to the ground sometimes, but always bounce back without breaking. It’s a good reminder that we bounce back from stormy times too. I’ve had a bit of a stormy week myself, with some fun times, and a really nice work party in my honor, given by one of my publishers, which was a warm fun evening I really enjoyed. And I also had my share of storms last week too, events beyond my control, which were less fun than a party in my honor!! Life happens, with the mix of good and bad, fun and not fun, and happy surprises, and less happy ones. Nothing serious in my case, just the stresses of daily life in a busy life. A close friend’s son is in the hospital—-those are the real storms in life, not the minor stresses that worry us. And none of us are exempt from the big and small storms in life.

 

Other than that, it’s been a busy week.  I’m lucky enough to be able to spend two days with one of my daughters this week, which is a real treat for me. We always have a good time together, and I’ll be seeing my other children soon, which is a real joy for me.

 

My British publishers are coming to visit me this week, which is always fun and exciting for me. They do a wonderful job for me in the UK!!! The books are beautiful, with great covers and do very well, and I love working with them!!! My American publishers are fabulous too, and I’ve just renewed my ongoing ties with my long term publishers in France—just like with Random House in the US, I’ve been with them since my second book, so we have a long, close relationship. And under new ownership and management, my French publishers have gotten fresh energy and ideas, and new people on their team. I’m very lucky to work with so many truly nice, hardworking, very creative people who are a joy and pleasure to work with. So that’s one of the happy spots in my life.

 

My new hardcover “Lost and Found” will be coming out in a week, which is exciting too. I hope you love it. It’s about a woman who, jarred by a minor accident (a broken ankle), some dissent with her adult children, and inspired by a box of old love letters she finds at the back of a closet, she takes off on a cross country road trip, from New York to California, to rethink her life and visit the three men she didn’t marry many years ago, and wonders if her decisions were right. She decides to see them for the first time in years and check it out, and she makes many discoveries about them, and others, and herself in the course of the trip, and the new people she meets along the way. It’s about finally putting the past to rest, and moving ahead in one’s life, free of the past at last. I like that idea and hope you do too, and that you enjoy the book. And of course, as usual, I’m working on new ones for you.

 

So here’s to a peaceful storm-free, stress-free week ahead. A REALLY good week, which we all deserve. A peaceful one with some happy surprises in it!!! I’m expecting good news and happy days for you and for me, for all of us!!! Here’s to sunny days after the storms!!!

 

Have a GREAT week!!! love, Danielle

 

4/22/19, New Book Coming: “Blessing in Disguise”

Posted on April 22, 2019

 

Hi Everyone,

 

I hope that all is well with you. The Easter Bunny has come and gone, and both Easter and Passover provided warm festivities for many. I enjoyed a really nice Easter Brunch with half of my children, who were in the same city with me. I’m always grateful for holidays we can spend together. And I actually took 2 days off from a mountain of work. I have been buried in outlines for new books, a first draft of a new book, and some re writes and editing to do. It has definitely been busy!!!!

 

I enjoyed doing an interview with Glamour Magazine, for their online magazine, with a very nice interviewer and lots of interesting questions. And I really enjoyed having some downtime, even if it’s only a weekend!!! These days, non-work weekends seem to be rare for me!!!

 

Paris is still reverberating from the shock and sadness of the terrible fire at Notre Dame a week ago, but people are already focusing on restoration, with an astounding amount of contributions, some as large as 100 and 200 million dollars from major French luxury brands. I was told that Disney contributed 5 million dollars, which is generous and amazing. The damage to the Cathedral is immense, and it will undoubtedly cost as much to repair as people are contributing. I hear that the donations are close to a billion dollars, which is heartwarming. Notre Dame is probably the most important, most beloved and most precious of France’s national monuments, with deep significance to so many people, whether religious or not, and it will be comforting to see the restoration begin on the 12th century church which went up in a roaring blaze last week, and shocked and saddened all of France, and people around the world. The church is really at the heart of the French spirit and culture. Some important moments in my life happened in that church too.

 

I’ve been so busy writing that I haven’t had time to do much else lately. And I suspect this pace will keep up until the summer. I always feel a little out of touch when I’m so deep into my work. The few chances I’ve had to stick my nose out the door, it feels like Spring (which makes it even harder to stay in and write), but it’s nice to feel warmer weather, and see Spring outside my windows.

 

I’m beginning to dream of summer, and taking some time off, my kids visiting me in France for our annual vacation together (one VERY precious week), not writing for a little while, having the time to read other books than my own, and just relaxing and doing fun things, seeing friends.

 

I have a new book coming out at the end of this week, “Blessing in Disguise”, about a woman with 3 adult daughters—-each one by a different father, and how different these young women are from each other, how each one’s relationship to their mother is entirely different (often true, even with the same father. All 9 of my children are VERY different from each other), and the challenges they face in their own lives and with their mother. It seems like a very appropriate Mother’s Day gift!!! Mother/Daughter relationships can be so challenging, and bumpy at times, but we grow from the hard times too, and learn a lot about ourselves—–and our mothers!!! I hope you read the book and love it, and that it feels like the perfect Mother’s Day gift to you!!!

 

Have a great week, and I hope you get to do some fun things this week!!! (We all need that!!!)

 

 

love, Danielle

 

4/15/19, Notre Dame

Posted on April 16, 2019

 

Hi Everyone,

I hope that all is well with you.

With the greatest of sadness I am writing my blog to you, after watching Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris burn today, its spire fall and its roof collapse. It is an exquisite iconic twelfth century Cathedral, symbolic of Paris, and France, and dear to most French people’s hearts. As I learned of the fire, I was flooded with emails from Europe, from the States, from Mexico, Hawaii, Paris, from people I barely know, from close friends, from my bankers, my children. It was truly a world shattering tragic event. The images were heartbreaking.

In this holy week before Easter, I am reminded again of the Resurrection, of the idea of Renewal, new beginnings of rebirth. Notre Dame Cathedral has had her crucifixion and trial by fire, and I can only pray that this deeply symbolic and beautiful church will rise from the ashes and have a resurrection of its own, with the help of all who love her, and honor all that she represents. Her spirit continues, and hopefully will continue for many more centuries once she is restored.

all my love, and may you have a peaceful week.

love, Danielle

 

3/18/19, Dazed but not confused

Posted on March 18, 2019

 

Hi Everyone,

 

I hope that all is well with you. Yesterday was St. Patrick’s Day, which I can lay no claim to, having no Irish relatives at all.  But if it’s your holiday, Happy St. Patrick’s Day!!

 

The riots in Paris are continuing and getting worse again, with stores destroyed, vandalized and looted—innocent stores like women and children’s clothing stores and the Disney store on the Champs Elysees. The city continues to live in fear on Saturdays, and the destruction continues. Violence is never the answer to anything and is disheartening to see.

 

I have done nothing but write for the last 10 days, and I’m happy with what I’m working on. I was working very closely on two books, and have really had fun with them. I hope you’ll love them too once they’re out.

 

My new book, Silent Night, is out and doing well, about Brain Injury. I hope you’ll read it and love it too, there’s some very good research in that book.

 

And when I work this hard writing, I work straight through most nights until 5 and 6 am, then I don’t do much else and am just on a constant cycle of writing, a few hours’ sleep, and then more writing—-so I’m not very interesting when I come up for air, and am a little dazed.

 

I saw my God children last night, which is always fun for me. And I hope to see some friends for lunch and dinner this week—-and to catch up on some fun things to tell you. In the meantime, take care, stay safe, work hard and have some fun!!!

 

much love, Danielle

3/11/19, Gentle Winter, Sweet Farewell

Posted on March 11, 2019

 

 

Hi Everyone,

 

I hope that all is well with you. I’ve been crazy busy, with re-writes, outlines, working on new books for you!! I thoroughly enjoyed a two week visit from my 3 daughters who work in fashion, and it was sheer heaven having them under my roof for two weeks, overlapping each other, while they worked on fashion week in Paris. They worked hard and so did I, and I had a two day photo shoot for the photographs on the back of my books. We do a new photo for each book, and put a lot of thought into it. The shoot itself was a lot of work, with a wonderful French photographer (who does all my book cover photos), her big team, my hairdresser and makeup artist, my two assistants to keep everyone fed and organized, and one of my daughters helped me pick what to wear, and helped on the set of the shoot. We all had fun, even though it’s exhausting getting it all right.

 

And I had a VERY special experience last week, which moved me deeply. As many/most of you know, I go to all the Chanel fashion shows, both ready to wear and Haute Couture. It is a joy to see the talent of Karl Lagerfeld, the designer for Chanel, on glorious display with a parade of gorgeous models walking down the runway in his fabulous creations. And the sets designed for each show are amazing. (I’ve told you about the rocket ship, which appeared to lift off after one show, the iceberg that was flown in from Sweden for another show, and flown back to its natural habitat after the show, beach scenes, and tropical gardens, a ‘Supermarket” which was great fun, an old style Paris cafe. )It is always exciting and fun to see what the setting will be at the newest show.

 

As I mentioned to you, Karl Lagerfeld passed away recently, less than two weeks ago, at 85, after a brief illness, and he worked to the very end. He was, without question, a genius, he designed all the Chanel collections every year, also designed for Fendi, and for his own label, and was a professional photographer. He was like a volcano or an avalanche of talent, spilling over, with wonderful ideas, a never ending flow of inspiration, and a man of huge energy and unlimited creativity. I admired him so much, and everyone’s reaction to his passing, whether they knew him or not, was one of great sadness. He is a tremendous loss to the world of fashion, and the world.

 

Although he couldn’t have suspected it when he designed his last show, that he would no longer be among us, when it was shown on the runway—-the clothes were particularly beautiful, and almost ‘serious’, with a lot of black and white, beautiful tweeds and checks, some beiges, a great fuchsia outfit, and the end of the show was a series of beautiful white outfits, which somehow reminded me of doves flying into the sky, or angels. And the setting for the show (of clothes for winter 2019) was equally perfect: a ski village in the Alps, an exquisite snow scene, with cozy wooden ‘chalets’ lining the runway, with smoke curling from the chimneys, and snow EVERYWHERE, and photographs of the mountains under a blue sky. Everywhere one walked, when one arrived for the show was covered with ‘snow’, it looked and felt like snow, except that it wasn’t wet, and was some sort of finely cut artificial substance, which looked exactly like snow all around us, on the ground, on the wooden houses, in the trees. It felt like snow when you walked on it and somehow seemed like the perfect scene for Karl Lagerfeld’s last show. The winter of his life, his final presentation to his admirers and adoring fans and clients, deep in pure white snow, with the mountains around us, and a bright blue sunny winter sky. It was absolutely gorgeous, and so were the clothes. And as I said, the clothes were serious, beautiful, a fantastic final gift and memory from Karl.

 

With deep respect from all of those who were lucky enough to be invited, the show began with a long moment of silence. And after that, over the loud speaker came a brief conversation with Karl during an interview. It was touching to hear him speak, his voice so clear and decisive, so distinctive, and then the show began with serious music, and all of us riveted to hear his voice, and see the show, and it was all so beautiful on a crisp winter morning, with artificial snow beneath our feet and all around us which seemed totally real. At the end of the show, the models came back down the runway, as they always do, but without Karl this time. I was at the last Haute Couture show only a month ago, which was beautiful too, and it was the first time Karl didn’t appear to take a bow, which shocked and saddened us all, and now only a month later, he is gone. It seemed unimaginable. People stood to applaud the show, the memory of Karl, and the collection. It got a standing ovation, as the models cried as they walked down the runway, and so did most people in the audience (including Naomi Campbell, and Claudia Schiffer, the famous models), and so did I. It was so beautiful and so incredibly moving. We all continued applauding for a long time, even after the models had gone backstage. We stood there in the snow, each of us knowing that we would never forget that moment, or the show, or the snow everywhere, as we stood in front of the little chalets, under a blue sky, remembering a man who will never, ever be forgotten, and has left a legacy that is beyond understanding, with such enormous genius and talent. It was a perfect send off in the beautiful set, with his beautiful clothes on the runway, for his last collection that he designed. And then slowly, finally, we left the snowy white winterland which is where we said our last goodbye to him, each of us taking our memories with us. I will never forget that show, or the times I met him. None of us will ever forget the final goodbye to him in the snow, and many people were still crying as they left, and so was I. It was incredibly touching, so gentle, and so right on that sunny winter day in the snow….we bid our last farewell to Karl, and will treasure the memories he left us. May he sleep in peace forever, after all the joy he gave us…..it was a sweet farewell to an amazing man. I will remember it forever.

 

 

Have a great week, beloved friends, love, Danielle

 

 

ps. I just did a Podcast interview with Barnes and Noble—–here’s the link in case you’d like to listen to it.

https://www.barnesandnoble.com/review/danielle-steel-podcast

love, Danielle

1/28/19, Rainy Sunday: Boundaries

Posted on February 4, 2019

 

Hi Everyone,

 

I hope January went by pleasantly and productively, and now we’re off to February—-and Valentine’s Day—-don’t get me started on that. If you’re madly in love, or even moderately in love, New Year’s Eve and Valentine’s Day can be terrific—-if not, and love is not big on your agenda at the moment, watch out for those two nights. Alone, and in the wrong frame of mind, they can really suck. So much for that (I solve both by working if Love is not on the horizon. It works for me. I forget where I am and what I’m doing, and what day it is. Kisses and romance are certainly more fun, but work is okay too).

 

The riots are continuing in France, after three months now. The violence is not as extreme as in the early months and weeks, but the destruction and a certain degree of violence continues, it’s more contained, but stores are still being burned and looted, even if to a lesser degree. (In the first month, the rioters broke into a jewelry store, destroyed the brand new store, stole a million dollars’ worth of jewelry and vandalized and set fire to the place. They are a little more moderate now, but have caused billions of dollars of damage. It’s heartbreaking to see, in a city as beautiful as Paris). And just last week, one of the rioters clashed with police, lost an eye, and is still in a coma. No political opinion or cause seems worth that to me (other than a real war where you are defending your family and your home). Several people have died, both rioters and police. And it continues. An American friend commented to me the other day that it is hard to understand how the riots can happen once a week, by appointment on Saturday, with real savagery, and even loss of life and injury, and then go about their business like civilized people the other 6 days of the week. It makes no sense to me either. I was thinking today , as I have for these 3 months, and have seen some REALLY frightening days with entire streets on fire, whole blocks of cars burning, and stores and homes—–no matter what the cause or the reason, I abhor when it turns to violence and wanton destruction. (Some people even came from other countries (Spain, Italy, Belgium, Germany) to join in the ‘fun’, when they have nothing to protest about daily life in France, or government positions. It’s not their country. The reasons for the protests/riots have shifted and grown, it started with gas prices, went on to taxes, retirement pensions, complaints about the rich, the minimum wage, and like water it spread and became more free form. Anyone who had something to complain about, even if they had valid points on certain issues, put on a yellow jacket, and got busy. Not all the protestors were violent, but too many were. I hate violence, we all do. It just seems to me that once people lose control to that extent, they not only lose their effectiveness, and sympathy, but it just seems profoundly wrong to me. Even on a tiny personal level, when I lose my temper and get really angry, which is rare for me, I always feel diminished and as though I have lost something important of myself. One should be able to solve problems without losing one’s temper, saying hurtful things, and certainly without violence. Among the many shocking statistics floating around are that the electronic monitors on the highway, to monitor speed and send tickets later, were ALL destroyed in many areas around Paris. To replace those machines now will cost half a Billion dollars. And what about the rest? The stores, streets, houses, monuments, bus stops, and private and public property that were destroyed. Inevitably, taxes will be raised to cover the expense of repairs, which defeats the purpose of the protests. They wanted lower taxes, and did so much damage, that now taxes will be raised to pay for it. Everyone loses once violence happens, and even more so on a personal level.

 

After mulling all that over (with no conclusion) on this rainy Sunday, it made me think of boundaries and how important they are. I’ve been in relationships without them, which eventually bit the dust and died, for lack of them and other problems—-but EVERY relationship, whether parental, familial, boss and employee, mother and child, or between lovers, friends or spouses, and even between roommates—-EVERY relationship needs good boundaries, or regrettable things are going to happen. Someone younger than I asked my advice this week about a blow out that had happened in their romantic relationship, where one of the partners went off the deep end, said and did things they shouldn’t have, and wanted my advice about it. (People always assume that if you’re older than they are, you’re smarter, which isn’t always true. Older people can be just as confused as younger ones, they just look more grown up!!). But the incident related to me was clearly a terrible lack of boundaries. Some people assume that you can do or say anything in an argument, no holds barred and say “Sorry” later and it will all go away. That just isn’t true. Some words and some actions should never happen and can never be undone. My suggestion in this case, which is one I’ve tried to use myself, with good advice from a therapist, is to sit down at a good time on a good day (not at 2 am in the midst of an argument), and agree to some mutual rules of fair fighting, based on what’s important to each person, and stick to them meticulously in future—-No breaking the rules. Because the horrible things you say or may do (breaking something precious to the other person, insulting them so deeply you can never take it back, saying awful things about their families or kids (if their kids aren’t yours), frightening them or threatening to abandon them, threatening to end the relationship if you don’t really mean it—–those things just can’t be taken back are never forgotten and ultimately destroy the relationship, and do irreparable damage to the other person and the relationship. None of us can afford to let loose like that, nor should we allow ourselves that liberty or want to. I first heard about ‘boundaries’ in a group therapy session I went to….and I left it thinking “what was that B word again?…barnacles….beautiful? Uh, what was that?” it was boundaries, and I have learned the importance of that since.  I see it all the time when people don’t have good boundaries and let loose on others in ways they never should, and may not even mean (and even worse if they do mean it). But once you say it, it’s out there, or do something awful to the other person (not even physically, but emotionally). And watch out for people who DO intend to hurt you, and go as deep as they can to hurt you. Run like hell when you run into one of those!!! I find that I never feel really emotionally safe with people with bad boundaries, you don’t know what they’ll do or say, or how much they’ll hurt you.

 

So that’s my thought for the day: Boundaries. They really are important. Laws are a form of boundaries imposed on us, and we respect them so we don’t get in trouble and break those laws. Boundaries are just as important so we don’t break someone’s heart!!!

 

Have a great week!!!

 

much love, Danielle

 

1/28/19, No Karl

Posted on January 28, 2019

 

Hi Everyone,

 

I hope that all is well with you, and you’re chugging along, and life is happy. As I write this, it has been snowing for two days, not the gorgeous “Winter wonderland” kind of snow you see on Christmas cards, just cold and wet and blowy, pretty for a minute as the snowflakes fly through the air, and then it turns into a mess on the ground, while the wind whips around you, and no matter how you hold your umbrella, you get wet anyway. Ugh. The temperatures are freezing, and people are getting snowed in all around the country. From Boston to the South, friends I’ve called have lost phone service and are in the midst of heavy storms. This is about the time of year when I get fed up with winter, and tired of being cold, and start wishing for Spring, which is still a long way off, in any place I live. So as usual, I’m busy working/writing.

 

I did emerge from my winter cave briefly last week to attend the Chanel haute couture show—-the fashion show of clothes that are all made by hand and are a real art form. The stage setting for the show looked like an Italian garden, in contrast to the snowy blustery weather outside. The show was beautiful as always, and the clothes exquisitely made, worn by gorgeous models. All went as usual, in the glamourous atmosphere of an haute couture show (and Chanel’s are always so gorgeous!!!)—-until the very end, where traditionally, after the final model had come out in the wedding gown (we all wait to see what spectacular bridal gown the designer has come up with. And they sell for a fortune)—-in this case, Karl Lagerfeld is the designer of Chanel and has been for several decades, and he is truly a genius of the fashion world, and deservedly a legend. His hair is snow white, he wears it tied back in a neat ponytail with a black ribbon, high collars, often tail coats, with a dignified, elegant style, and he walks around the runway, with the bride on his arm at the end of the show, to thunderous applause from the audience. This time, the bride did her turn around the runway, solo, as always, after all the other models had strutted past. The bride in the show, the very last one, has the runway to herself, and when she finishes the entire circle, Karl Lagerfeld, the designer comes out, takes a bow, and does one more walk around with the bride on his arm. Wearing an unusual and somewhat startling bridal ensemble (of a rhinestone covered bathing suit, with matching rhinestone covered bonnet (in the shape of a bathing cap), with a long veil trailing behind her, the bride completed her tour around the runway, and the audience waited for the stage door to backstage to open and Mr. Lagerfeld to come out….nothing…..We waited, and no one appeared. In recent years, he has appeared to be more energetic on some years than others, even to the point of looking frail once or twice, although he still works at a furious and productive pace, but he is well into his 80’s, and still works harder than most people half his age. Somehow, one assumes that he is eternal, and hopes that he will be with us forever, working at full steam. After a few moments of surprise, as everyone waited to see him at the end of the Chanel show (which was gorgeous as usual!!!), an announcement came over the sound system that Mr. Lagerfeld was very tired today, and sent us all his greetings and would not be appearing. There was a long, long moment of shocked silence. No one spoke, and everyone feared he might be more than ‘tired’, since it was the first time in his entire history that he did not appear after the show to take a bow. there was total silence in the enormous Grand Palais, as everyone digested the information, glanced at each other with worried looks (thousands of us), and left the hall in total silence, out of respect, admiration, love and fear for him. It was a shocking dose of reality that one day time affects us all, and claims us, that nothing goes on forever, even remarkable talent. We all hope that he is only tired, and will bounce back, and that we will see him again at the end of another show. It left me, and I think all of us, with a great sense of sadness, after a truly beautiful show, which was yet another tribute to his talent. It sobered me and saddened me for the rest of the day. It was a shocking reminder that we are all mortal, and even people with huge talent are vulnerable, especially at a great age. We all want him to go on forever. He is a unique talent in fashion, and an icon, and we all wish him well. His absence outweighed the excitement of the show, and thousands of us left the Grand Palais in total silence, no one said a single world. We just left, and stood outside in the snow, looking lost. His absence was sorely felt by all.

 

Have a great week, stay warm, wherever you are.

 

much love, Danielle