You know my love for and fascination with words. The words ‘love’ and ‘hope’ always resonate for me, and for most of us. But ‘lovable’ is a word I discovered later in life, and never realized the importance of it for a long time. We talk about being loved (by someone), or loving someone or something. We LOVE ice cream, chocolate, sunny days, vacations, (shoes!!), our friends, our children, and hopefully the person we are married to or dating. We tell people how LOVED they are. We talk about certain people being very LOVING. But we seldom talk about, or think about being LOVABLE. And that’s a real stumbling block for some. We want to be loved, who doesn’t—–but do we believe, truly believe, in the depths of our gut, that we are lovable? Do we believe that we are lovable, and worthy of being loved? We focus on our flaws, and sometimes our loved ones are quick to remind us what they are, we don’t do this or that right, we forget to take out the garbage, lock the front door, or walk the dog. We make a mess here and there. Some of us come from deeply critical families, whose favorite sport is tearing others apart, or comparing us unfavorably to others. Unhappy mates tell us everything that’s wrong with us, and blame us for what goes wrong in a relationship. We don’t do as well as we plan to in life, didn’t get the promotion we want, or don’t feel we are paid enough (and make less money than our sister, husband/wife, best friend or neighbour). We haven’t had a date in 6 months or a year, or our boyfriend/girlfriend dumped us, or we got divorced. And what that all adds up to is that somewhere in our heart of hearts, we feel unlovable: undeserving of the love we want and hope for and need to thrive. We secretly believe we are second rate, or tenth rate, or no rate, and everyone else seems lovable, but us.
Knowing that you are lovable, believing that you are, and feeling it, is one of the most important things you will ever do. Because until you feel lovable, truly LOVABLE (and worthy of being loved), you will put up an invisible shield that will prevent you from receiving the full benefit of the love you want and deserve. You DESERVE to be loved, you are worthy of it, you don’t have more faults and flaws than anyone else, and you may make less money than your sister or brother, but you may make WAY more than somebody else. And everything that’s wrong in your relationship is unlikely to be all your fault. Parents who criticized us too much, or constantly, do a lot of damage, because we grow up believing that we aren’t lovable, and don’t deserve to be loved fully. It is a life’s work to truly believe that YOU ARE LOVABLE.
I found a wooden sign at an art fair once about 15 years ago, it wasn’t a pretty sign, and it had a smiling little girl’s face on it, and all it said on it was the single word “Lovable”. I stared at it for a long time, and even though it wasn’t a thing of beauty, I bought it. I hung it in my beach house, which I sold last year, and when I sold the house, I put it in my city home, where I could see it from my bed. It doesn’t match the decor in my room, but that doesn’t matter. And sometimes I used to borrow it from the beach house, and bring it to the city for a while, if I thought I needed to be reminded.
Not everyone in the world is lovable, except you. Everyone doesn’t deserve love or happiness, except you. Believe that you are lovable, tell it to yourself, breathe it into you, and know that you are worthy of being loved, just the way you want to be. YOU ARE LOVABLE. Remember it. Cherish it. Know it. Believe it. Say it to yourself, over and over again until it becomes part of you. You ARE lovable. We all are (even if we are not perfect at times). You are lovable. I know that and believe it about you. Trust me…..and you will find that it’s true. LOVABLE. Hang onto that word; it’s a keeper and a winner!!! And we all need it.