9/22/14, Nicky

Hi Everyone,

It’s hard to think of a different blog this week. I will have been in 3 cities this week, in 2 countries, touching base with my children. And the day when everything comes to a screeching halt for me is September 20th, the anniversary of when I lost my son Nick, at 19, to suicide. I know that many of you are aware of it, and have read the book I wrote about him, “His Bright Light”. He had bi polar disease all his life, and put up a valiant fight to have a good life in spite of it. He was an incredibly talented singer and musician, and lyricist. He wrote extremely well, he laughed a lot, was talented and full of fun and mischief, and he was greatly loved. But his illness overtook him in the end, and I’m so grateful for the nineteen years we shared with him. Even now, he is a blessing in our family.

It’s an incredibly difficult thing to lose a child, you have to fight courageously to make it meaningful, to help others, to not let yourself be drowned by the loss. And the anniversary dates are brutally hard. like waves that overwhelm you. But however hard, or poignant the memories,I am so deeply grateful for the belssing he was, the joy that we shared, and that he came into our lives at all. I know that wherever he is, he is smiling and at peace, loving us as much as ever, just as we love him more than ever, and he will forever be a gift in our lives. May he rest in peace and the tenderness of God’s love for him, and ours….and with all my love to you,


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8 Comments so far
  1. Tina September 23, 2014 1:55 am

    I had a brother who died all of sudden in the age of 21 years for over 22 years ago, that was a huge surprise and shock to us all because there was no warnings, and he was on his bike on his way to a friend when he just felt of it. No explaintion at all. There is a small percentage that dies without any reason.

    Its so un-natureal. Even I dont remeber my brother, because I was only 8 at the time, I still remeber the day he died, because the police failed to have their facts straight.

    My mother have learned to live with it. The pain will always be there, but it will become smaller as the years passes. So hang in there Danielle. My brother never had gotten his own family, like girlfriend or kids. Which I belive its only a good thing I belive, becuase in that way he didnt had left anyone “behind”. Apart from our parents (well, we only had the same mother) and his 5 other slibings.

  2. Keyla Marques September 23, 2014 4:26 am

    I never met Nick, but I’ve read “His bright light” and it changed my life. He was so full of life and extremaly criative.
    Keep strong. He is in a good place.

  3. AlexB September 23, 2014 12:01 pm

    My brother die in 1995 when he was 19 years old. My mother till this day has not recover from it. She still cry just thin king of him. I miss him profoundly. So I can relate to this.


  4. fredrick karithi September 25, 2014 10:54 am

    hi danielle,
    it pains when we remember our departed children, siblings, friends and all that were so dear to us, but it comforts that they were once in our live and they never leave us being the same. it is now two years since i lost my only sister to heart attack. she was the first born while am the last born in our family of three siblings…i didnt want to face the reality but i had to. her memories are still green to everybody that new her. may these dear departed souls rest in peace.
    love, fredrick.

  5. Debra Haddad September 26, 2014 10:04 am

    I just finished reading “His Bright Light” about your son Nick. I loved it. Ten years ago I lost my husband of 25 years to suicide. He didn’t have any mental illnesses. He was always happy, smiling,loving, a great husband and a wonderful father to our son and daughter. We were only two months away from becoming first time grandparents. He woke up one morning and did his normal routine as usual. A few hours later our son, 19 at the time, started to scream.He found his Dad hanging in our basement. No one to this day knows why. Everyone who knew him loved him. He never held his first granddaughter. Or his second one. My son’s Army career went sour after what his Dad did. They were best friends and went everywhere together. He broke all of our hearts in a million pieces. He left us behind to pick up the pieces and to try to go on without him. Burying the man I was inlove with for over 28 years was heart-wrenching. I cannot imagine what it is like to bury your own son. I feel for you. Thank you for writing this book-your son would be so proud and happy. May God bless you Danielle. Love, Debra Haddad.

  6. jane freeman September 30, 2014 7:31 pm

    I just finished your book about Nickey. I felt like I was there with you both watching him grow up- He was such a special person – my heart would break for him at times but also be joyous with his achievements. He was so full of life and i just wanted you to know that he is still touching peoples hearts – he has sure touched mine. Thank you for sharing your son with us all.

  7. J Foster October 30, 2014 1:13 am

    Reading His Bright Light helped me get through some difficult times with my son who is constantly struggling with BiPolar. He is a beautiful person who is very caring and sensitive. My heart goes out to all families affected by mental heath challanges and thank you Danielle for your support and sharing your son with us. He has been a wonderful gift that has helped many who struggle.

  8. Terry Pustai January 20, 2015 9:12 pm

    I just finished reading “His Bright Light” and can’t tell you how much it moved me. I too have struggled with mental illness although not to the tragic degree your Nick did. Thank you for sharing your heart. You are an incredible woman.