Recently, in one of those introspective moments where you question what you think, and your views about life, I thought about the things that I think are essential in life. Love certainly, hope, good health for sure, and it occurred to me that forgiveness is also essential, the ability to forgive others (and not carry bitterness or anger or resentment with you—-SUCH heavy burdens!!), and the blessing of being forgiven our mistakes is nice too. But one thing leapt out at me on my ‘can’t do without’ list: integrity. Yeah, sure, we say, of course, obviously. Yeah, yeah, whatever. Integrity isn’t always so obvious to others, and not always the obvious choice. I’ve learned that the hard way. And integrity isn’t a ‘whatever’, it is absolutely essential to the quality of our lives, our dealings with others, it is a basic expectation and need, like air. I think people have it or they don’t, and it has been a hard lesson for me to discover that some people we assume have integrity, actually don’t. Their morality, values, and sense of integrity may be completely different from our own, or even minimum standards that apply to us all. It’s a huge shock to discover that. I think it has to be woven into the fiber of our beings, it has to be an automatic, like breathing, not something we put on and take off like a hat. » read more »
Archive for 2009
Blessings in Disguise. Not.
Posted on January 26, 2009
One of my daughters recently gave me a card that said “I’m looking for a blessing that’s not in disguise”. It really made me stop and think how true that is. » read more »
Filed Under Communication | 8 Comments
Why Not?
Posted on January 23, 2009
There is no question, the subject of age is mystifying and fascinating, and the older I get, the more it intrigues me.
Whatever age we are, it never seems like the right one at the time. I remember desperately wanting to be a teen ager, when I was 11 or l2. Teenagers got to do EVERYTHING!!!! They were cool. They were free. They were practically grown up….until I reached l3, and nothing much had changed (except for a few pimples). As it turned out, 13 was actually not cool. I was disappointed by that piece of news. I then decided that l4, l5, or 16 would do it, but that didn’t do the trick either. EIGHTEEN!!!! » read more »
Filed Under Age | 4 Comments
Be the Leaven
Posted on January 20, 2009
As I finish work late tonight (on a new book), a thought came to me, a funny old saying: “Don’t be the lump, be the leaven”. Similarly, one could say, don’t be the darkness, be the light. The darkness is so heavy, like early winter nights. The dawn dispels the darkness, and light shines everywhere. » read more »
Filed Under Communication | 3 Comments
That’s Mean, Quit It!
Posted on January 16, 2009
I was reading a book the other day, I can’t remember what, which spoke about people’s behaviours, and how much simpler it is with kids. There was something in the book about dealing with mean people, and it said that when a child does something mean, another child, either the victim or an observer, will simply say ‘That was mean! Quit it!’ It’s so simple and straight forward and really resonated with me. » read more »
Filed Under Family, Kids, Relationships | 11 Comments
Boundaries
Posted on January 9, 2009
This is a BIG subject. It’s one of those New Age words we toss around, and which has become standard in our modern psycho babbles. Boundaries. The very first time I became aware of it was at a psych group I attended where the word was bandied about heavily, with people complaining about others with no boundaries….hm….whatever. There was a lot for me to absorb in the group that day and the word didn’t register heavily on my radar. My son had died, my marriage was falling apart, ‘boundaries’ (whatever that meant) was the last thing on my mind. I was fighting for my emotional survival, and someone whining about their roommate’s cats and bad boundaries was the least of my problems. » read more »
Filed Under Family, Getting Along | 2 Comments
Sequels
Posted on January 6, 2009
A number of people have written to me over the years, and now lately with this blog, asking if I’ve ever considered writing a sequel to any of my novels. They ask it about a book they particularly like, and I’m always pleased to hear they liked it. » read more »
Filed Under Books, Writing | 38 Comments
It’s Always the First Time for Me
Posted on January 2, 2009
Whenever I want to write a book, I am obliged (by contract) to submit an outline to my publisher first. My editor reads it, decides if she likes the idea, the premise, and the story I describe in a 40 or 50 page outline, that is supposed to include the characters, plot, and details of the book, broken down by chapter. The fact that I have to do that always surprises people. They assume that after all the books I’ve written (107 to date), I can just write whatever I want, send it off, and my publishers are thrilled. That’s not how it works in real life, or not mine anyway. (I used to have to submit several sample chapters or even half the book. Now I just have to submit the outline). The editor then calls me or writes to me, and makes lots of comments about what they don’t like, want changed, or what doesn’t work. And if I don’t agree with those changes, I have to defend my point of view. But on the whole, they call the shots. They’re buying the book, they write the check, and sometimes they have some good ideas (or sometimes I strongly defend my point of view if it differs from theirs). » read more »
Filed Under Books, Writing | 10 Comments