6/26/17, Nobody until…..

Hi Everyone,

I hope your week is off to a great start!!!

I don’t know why, but I thought of a song the other day….a very old song, I think it was already an old song when I was a kid. But when I thought of it, the words really jarred me, “You’re Nobody until Somebody loves you”. As I thought about it, I thought what an unhealthy philosophy that is, and how damaging it can be. And I think we’ve probably all felt that way at some point. We’re in a slump, there’s no one in our life (romantically), and we feel like nothing and no one. I’ve had moments like that myself. But the song crossing my mind really reminded me to watch out for that pitfall!!! I used to take weekends off, and not work, when I was married. I spent every weekend doing things with my husband, and kids when they were young. I wouldn’t have dreamed of working all weekend!!! Now I’m not married, and my kids have grown up, so I work on most weekends. Okay, okay, ALL weekends. (It’s quiet then, and no one interrupts me while I write).

I go on vacation with my kids once a year, but I can’t imagine going on vacation alone. (It wouldn’t be much fun). And I don’t like going to restaurants or movies alone either (no one to talk to at a restaurant, or share popcorn with at the movie). I think sometimes we let the idea creep into our life that we don’t deserve fun times if someone isn’t madly in love with us. Being loved makes us feel so worthy and worthwhile, so deserving. I like working when I’m alone because it fills the time and distracts me and the days fly by—but I could go for a walk in the park, or a drive, or a museum, or an exhibit of something on my own—I don’t have to wait for someone to be in love with me to do that!!.

I don’t like the idea that we don’t feel deserving of something because we’re not currently in a romance, and when you think about it, how awful to feel like we’re ‘nobody’ until someone loves us. I’m not nobody. You’re Not Nobody!!! Mulling it over made me want to treat myself to something, to do something special, and treat myself—I don’t have to wait for someone else to do that, or to have permission to feel special.

We’re ALL special, and we’re ALL somebody—somebody special and different and important in the world. So treat yourself well, and do something nice for yourself today. I might just take the weekend off!!! I hope you have a GREAT week!! You deserve it!!!

love, Danielle

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6 Comments so far
  1. Karen Schulman June 26, 2017 8:18 pm

    This blog post really meant a lot to me. I am in my 50s and have never been married. It is a big disappointment in my life, but it is the way things have worked out for me and I’ve learned to accept it and try to find meaning in other things. I have had a lot of success in my professional life (I was a Sr. Vice President in a number of large tech companies in the Bay Area and Seattle over the years), but my personal life has always been a challenge. So I learned early on that I had to do things by myself or I would miss out on life because all of my friends and siblings were married and had kids and were too busy to find the time (and I didn’t want to bother them). So, I travel extensively by myself (I’ve been to all seven continents), I regularly go to museums, the theater, the symphony, the opera and the ballet in various cities around the world (NY, London, St Petersburg, Paris, etc.). I also have learned to have meals in restaurants by myself — dinner is always the most challenging, so I will go early and sit at the bar in a nice place and have the meal there so I don’t stand out and I’m not self-conscious. But, do I dream of having a companion who is curious, likes to travel and go to restaurants and read and do different cultural things? Sure. I have just had to learn to enjoy the time with myself and make the most of it. And, I have met some lovely people along the way. It is funny, but for years I was so jealous of my friends and family as they got married and had kids and I had to really keep it in check. But now, they have teenagers that talk back and give them a hard time and husbands that drive them crazy that they are actually a bit jealous of my life and the fact that I can do what I want to do when I want to do it! Funny how perspectives can change over the years…
    Anyway, thanks so much for writing this blog. It made me feel better about myself and I appreciate you posting on this subject.
    – Karen
    PS — Many years ago I used to live in Pacific Heights on Broadway and Buchanan and I would power walk around the neighborhood in the early morning before work and I used to go past your house as I tried to get my 2 miles completed. I always noticed the cute stickers one of the kids had put on the windows. As stunningly beautiful and grand your place is, those stickers always made me realize that a real family lived there and it was so touching and charming to see them!

  2. Rob Scott June 27, 2017 7:29 am

    “We’re ALL special, and we’re ALL somebody—somebody special and different and important in the world. So treat yourself well, and do something nice for yourself today. I might just take the weekend off!!! I hope you have a GREAT week!! You deserve it!!!”

    Amen.

    Truth, Wisdom, Love and Sincerity, to ALL Mankind,
    Rob Scott
    Boothbay Harbor, Maine

    p.s.

    I love your new video. Awesome!

  3. Rob Scott June 27, 2017 7:35 am

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KicpTnVoDsI

    Sorry, this should correction should lead your readers to your new video.

    TWLS,
    Rob

  4. Dale Capuano June 29, 2017 12:06 am

    I just got finished reading your latest book Dutchess. I couldn’t put it down, I so enjoyed reading it. Keep up the good work!

  5. Jane Dunning June 29, 2017 4:01 pm

    Ironically, I have been plagued with a song for the last couple of weeks, too! I use to sing”someday your prince wiil come….” to my 3 daughters when they were plagued with relationship problems. I sang it so often that it is a family joke. I have worried that I was sending the wrong message all those years ago! I love that you share your life’s wisdom and pain with your readers.
    Ok now for the truth! I am a huge fan! I have read all your books except Duchess. My favorite is Zoya with Country a close second! I miss your back cover photos since I started reading on my iPad. You need to add those to your digital books so I can continue to live vicariously through you! My youngest daughter fell in love with Paris and my thought was me too in your books! Thank you!
    Love, Jane

  6. Katherine Kilby July 18, 2017 3:10 pm

    Just finished reading “The Duchess”. I have been reading your books since the 60’s. I still have them in my library. I’ve kinda grown up with you. Our birthdays are a few weeks apart and after your books I feel like a kindred spirit. Thank you so much for helping me enjoy life thru your adventures. I had lots of no sleep nights and day dreams and enjoyed everyone of them. I wish you a great birthday and lots more to come. I am now retired and widowed. Some days I spend with your books. Thank you soooo much.
    Katherine (Kay) Kilby