A Big Subject: Mutual Respect Between Parents and Adult Kids
I have often said that being the parent of adult kids is an art, and not always so easy to achieve. But I am beginning to think that being the adult children of one’s parents is not so easy either, and also an art.
I recently laughed with a friend about how I used to feel still 10 years old when I visited my father, as an adult, and often did and said things that I couldn’t believe I’d just done. Who said that? Sometimes I couldn’t believe it was me. They treated me like a child, and sometimes in spite of myself, and being all grown up, I acted like a child around my parents. Ugh. The friend I was talking to about it had recently had the same experience with his parents, who had treated him like a five year old on a visit home, although he is very grown up, and a responsible, intelligent adult. Sometimes, our parents bring out the worst in us, even after we’re grown up. They expect us to fail, be irresponsible, or act out, especially if we were less than perfect, a lot less than perfect, when we were young!!! And some parents remind us constantly of our failings when we were young. Doing that seems like a bad idea to me, and brings out the worst in all of us. “Remember when you….” followed by some hideously embarrassing story that makes us look like fools. Ugh.
I think the basis for a great relationship between adult kids and parents is respect. Another important factor is not expecting your adult kids to be you. (And by adult, I mean even ‘kids’ in their early 20’s, or pretty much anyone who has left home, no matter how young or old they are). I am very opinionated and have very definite ideas and opinions, about how life should work and people should behave. (I hate people being unkind to others, and wanton nastiness that hurts others’ feelings). And I have been blessed with great kids, who are all loving, decent responsible people. But no matter how wonderful they are, they are individuals with their own ideas, and they are not me. Maybe we all secretly expect our children to grow up to be just like us, and they’re not. They follow different careers, have friends we don’t always like, date and marry people that suit them, but not always us. I am speaking generally, and not specifically of my kids. But how simple it would be if they all lived exactly the way we do, like little carbon copies of us—-WITHOUT all the hideous glaring mistakes we made. Yeah, remember those?? I sure made my share of terrible mistakes when I was young. My kids have made much wiser choices than I did, so far. But I also didn’t have the kind of family support they do. In fact, I had absolutely none; I was totally on my own. But whether it’s the food they eat, the people they hang out with, the way they wear their hair (whatever they pierce or tattoo), or the careers they choose, the cities they live in, or the neighborhoods they love, or even the number of children they have, the way they dress them, or the religions they embrace (or none at all, no matter how they were brought up, or what Sunday school we sent them to), adult kids have the right to make those decisions and be who they are. They are not leading our lives, they are leading their own. And sometimes you just have to swallow it, and respect who they are, and not even comment on the strange pets they have, or the way they bring up their kids. It’s great if their ideas are similar to ours—–but what if they’re not? That’s where the art, and the challenge, come in. You have to respect them, as well as love them, and the choices they make. As a parent, it can be a challenge, and sometimes we are just surprised, or maybe even frightened by a choice that seems dangerous to us (of a mate, a sport, a neighborhood, or a kind of job). Our children are their own people, they are not us. We have a right to worry about them, but we really have to try and trust them to know what they’re doing, and to make the choices that work for them. I think we will have much better relationships with our adult children if we trust them, and respect who they are, no matter how different or similar they are to us. it has always been one of my goals to respect my adult kids, and so far mine are easy to respect—-but even as responsible people, they are still very different from me, and once in a while I want to scream, “you did WHAT?????”, and then I remind myself again that they are not me. And their choices are different from mine and have a right to be.
BUT —-guess what??? That kind of respect is not a one way street, it is a two sided coin. If we are expected not to comment, or even flinch, at the fabulous new tattoo running up one arm, the fact that their children go to bed later than ours did, follow no routine, or have a nearly Hitlerian routine, that they get vaccinations, or don’t, that they have now become Buddhists instead of Episcopalian, want to join the circus, or go sky diving in their free time, bought a house they cant afford, or live in what we consider a hovel——whatever it is they’re doing that may shock you, or surprise you, if you are trying to adjust to it and be fair, and respect the choices they’ve made—–GUESS WHAT???? They owe you exactly the same respect about whatever it is you do. Or at least that’s how I see it, as a two way street, NOT a one way street that benefits only them.
The age I hated most was when my daughters were 14 and 15. I couldn’t do anything right when they were that age. You’re wearing THAT?? (Them to me). Kids that age have total contempt for their parents, particularly their mothers, and don’t hesitate to criticize their parents night and day. And guess what, kids? It really hurts. Parents have feelings too. And kids that age hurt their parents’ feelings a lot. Fortunately, all of mine are past that age. But nonetheless, although I am prepared to visit them in their homes and not comment on whatever is different from what I’m used to (when I visit one daughter, I recognize nothing in the fridge. It’s all bio health food that looks like a science project to me. But she loves it and insists it’s healthy. I don’t say “yerghk, where are the Hostess Twinkies, and can we send out for a Big Mac?” I discreetly take a bar of chocolate out of my purse, which will tide me over til the next recognizable meal. But what I do find is that sometimes adult kids forget that we have a right to be different and independent too. And I find that many adult kids are far more vocal about being critical of their parents. If you’re still living in the same way in the same place, your adult kids are likely to tell you that your house looks beaten up, the curtains are tattered and the rug is worn to a nub. They may tell you that your clothes are out of date, and you look ridiculous still wearing your hair that way. My girls work l8 hour days in the fashion industry in 8 inch heels, and they don’t love it when I wear flats in the day time. They think stilettos are running shoes. Me, I’m willing to wear a high heel at night, but if I’m going to run around all day, I wear flats. Adult kids are liable to tell you that your clothes look out of date, or that you’re too old to wear whatever you have on. my kids tell me that my hair is too long (it’s down to the middle of my back, it’s me, and I love it that way), but do I tell them how to wear their hair? I try not to. I think criticism is a bad habit we all get into, parents as well as adult kids. It’s a right we think we have, to tell people we’re close to what’s wrong with how they look, how they dress, who they date, what they eat, and how they live. But the truth is, no one likes to be criticized, not even by those they love. Maybe especially not by those they love, whom they want to please and impress, and whose praise they really want. Our adult kids want us to tell them that they are doing great, and in most cases they are——-but so do we. We want to be told that we look good, that we’re doing a good job, and we’re not totally over the hill. So I think the basis for a good relationship between adult kids and parents is mutual respect. Maybe parents of adults have decided to learn a new language (why on earth would you want to learn Chinese, mom? Why not?), or a skill, or taken a job they’ve always wanted and can indulge now, or go back to school (law school at your age? Yeah. Maybe so). Parents can have pets their kids don’t approve of, boyfriends or girlfriends who may not be their kids’ cup of tea but are good for them, employees their kids don’t like, they may have changed the curtains in the living room, or painted their house a weird color the kids don’t like. But life is about moving ahead, doing new things, even trying new things, and sometimes clinging to habits or people that give us comfort.
I think what adult kids and parents need is tolerance of each other, compassion, understanding, respect, and a sense of humor about the things we don’t always like. But if our kids want us to respect them and their occasionally wonky choices (blue hair, sweetheart?? really???), then they have to respect ours as well. Life is an experiment. We really do need to be tolerant of each other. And NONE of us want to hear about what we’re doing wrong all the time. Even if it’s wrong for someone else, it may be right for us, no matter how strange it seems.
So I would like to cast a vote here for mutual respect and tolerance. I think if both parents and adult kids make an effort in that direction, we’ll all have a better time together, and a lot more fun. It will keep life surprising and interesting, and keep our minds open. They don’t want to be us—-and we don’t want to be them. And just as they have a right to be who they are, so do we. Someone said that being an adult is when you accept your parents for who they are. That would be very, very nice. And just as we need to salute our kids for their independence, and respect their freedom to be who they are, no matter how different from us———they need to do exactly the same for us!!! It’s a two way street, and a great exchange!!!
Love, Danielle
Leave a Comment
If you would like to make a comment, please fill out the form below.
All I can say to that is: AMEN!
ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS ARTICLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It’s amazing how these ‘little people’ we
raised turn into these adults that suddenly
seem to know things before they happen!!!
Keep these great articles coming!!!
Yes, each person should be allowed the freedom/gift to be his or her truest self.
So do any of your kids write …. or want to write?
Chère madame,
sachant que vous parlez parfaitement le français je me permets de vous écrire dans ma langue.
Je suis présidente d’une association et je prépare notre 13e salon du livre qui se tiendra les 26 et 27 novembre prochain près de Brest -29-. J’aimerais vous apporter plus d’informations concernant notre salon et vous faire part que nous souhaiterions vous y inviter.
Pourriez vous avoir la gentillesse de me contacter par mail et ainsi je pourrais vous expliquer avec plus de détails.
Dans l’attente de vous lire,
bien à vous
Marie-Janick Michel
Dear Danielle,
Your hair looks beautiful and really makes you stand out because everyone it seems past 50yrs feels they must follow the herd and go for the chop.The long hair suits you perfectly. My husband who is 36 yrs old saw a picture of you and declared that you are beautiful a real (MILF- sorry that is what he said) and if he were single he would have no problem dating an older woman who looks like you. Respect goes both ways, so please never feel pressured to change who you are or the way you dress, or how you happen do your hair to please others even if they are your children.
Wow. Danielle, you could have been talking about me! I have only 1 child. A daughter. When she was growing up, I always knew that she would probably be my one and only. I married at an ungodly young age (16) and had her when I was 17. I used to tell myself that I had better do a good job the first time around (raising her) because I’ll probably only have one chance to do this. Well, she’s grown and married now. She will turn 29 this year in June, and her husband will be 30 in May. God has truly blessed me because I now know I raised her right. She has turned out to be a very kind, loving, and super compassionate woman. She gives me cards on my birthday and Xmas that always say she thinks of me as her best friend. How lucky is that? I think of her husband as if he were the son I never had, but always wanted. He has even taken to calling me “Mom” even though his own mom is also very much a part of his life. Danielle, you are right – we all must have mutual respect for one another and our personal opinions. Last week, it was my birthday, and my daughter and son-in-law invited the family over to their house for dinner to celebrate. He brought out some old antique signs he said he was collecting to show us. He told us he planned to put them up around the drop ceiling in their newly remodeled kitchen. There sat my mom making dissapproving noises! She promptly called me the next day and told me to call my daughter and tell her not to put those ugly signs up in their beautiful new kitchen because they would look tacky. My exact response was “No way! That’s just not my place to do that! Besides, mom, it’s rude!” Then my mom actually got disgusted with me for not agreeing with her. It was a weird moment. There I was defending my son-in-law’s right to decorate his kitchen any way he wants to (because it really IS none of our business how they want to decorate since neither one of them asked for any of our advice)and at the same time, giving my own mother a lesson in rudeness and meddling. My mom is getting extremely opinionated as she gets older. I love the relationship I have with my daughter and in many cases mind my own business and allow her to make mistakes because that’s the only way she’ll learn sometimes. My mom believes I should speak up and stop her right away. Case-in-point: The kids wanting to drive across the country on vacation and not really having any definite plans as to where they’re going, or where they will stay at night. I say ” Okay, let them go!” My mom says “Stop them before they get lost and find themselves in the middle of the dessert with no gas or money!” Good grief! (lol) My mom won’t speak up and tell them her thoughts because she says that I’m the mother and should be the one to tell my daughter these things. Anyway…you are so right, Danielle. I really, really, enjoyed your blog!
Hey Danielle,
Would you ever do a blog post on your process of research when you write a novel?
I was just wondering, what’s your process of research, if you want to write a story about a world (or period in history, whatever) that you know nothing about? For example, say you wanted to write a story about Secret Service agents and how they save the president after an assassination attempt and then track down the shooter in the space of 48 hours. But you don’t know anything about SS protocol, what they do to prepare a venue before the president arrives, how they talk, their Secret Service terms and jargon, and training and procedures etc. ? Or even where and how they would start to tracking down a shooter? Where do you start with this? Would you start the story first and fill out what you don’t know afterwards or do you go and do research first? Then where do you go for research?
I often think I’d like to write different kinds of stories, but then when I think about worlds or periods of time etc. that I know nothing about, then I think to myself I wouldn’t even know where to start with my research.
Much Love,
Katherine
P.S. Really enjoy reading your blog
dear danielle,
will u please give me a chance to read ur books freely as I have heard that your books are fantastic and I’m a student and I am eager to read your books
Danielle, I was thrilled to come across your blog. I have been a fan of your novels since I was a teen! I now have a 15 year old son and we have had an impossible time “co-existing”. Some of the things he says cut to the bone. I came across your article about adult children hoping for some insight on what to expect in the coming years. From everything I have read and heard, I need to bite my tongue a little more and give him more space. That “space” comes in the form of respect. Thank you!
I just read the novel Ransom thought the story line good but was appalled at the details a surveillance guy parking in front of their house or on the street day after day for wks (really) 3 thugs backing up a van to the garage and then surprising 2 FBI agents and 2 cops shooting an AK47 or machine gun in the house and mother and son hearing nothing why? everyone deaf,,, these details border on the absurd some things are improbable but some are ludicrous..
Wow, that was an amazing post!
As a child who has had to assert myself on multiple occasions, I feel nothing damages a parent-child relationship more as when there is a double standard. The parent berates the adult child for making X choices but simultaneously makes those sorts of choices themselves.
OK, but here’s a tricky situation. What if your adult child moves in temporarily while he looks for a job? His girlfriend moves in as well because her parents have recently gone through a divorce, leaving her with no place to stay for the summer.
She is transferring to a new school and thus cannot rent an apartment near her current university. Additionally, she is blind and does not feel comfortable and is not financially capable of moving to an apartment near the university to which she is transferring.
The adult child has asked if his girlfriend of seven months may sleep with him. However, the parent has stated this would not be acceptable to them.
The girlfriend is upset by this because she wishes to ensure their bond is strong so as to be able to withstand the strain of a long-distance relationship. Out of respect for the parents, there would be no intercourse, just the sleeping together in the same bed.
Both of these people are in their early twenties and have already been living together for several months prior to this.
Where is the line of respect drawn?
There are no minors in the house, and the child’s older brother is married. The boyfriend has stated they may bond in other ways outside of sleeping together and sharing a bed, but the girl feels it’s almost more painful to live under the same roof as one’s boyfriend but not be able to share the experience of being emotionally intimate in that way.
The girlfriend would be open to a compromise, i.e. sleeping in the same room but not the same bed.
What would you suggest?
This sounds lovely. The problem is, parents have the power, even parents of adult children. It is not an equal relationship. Children, their entire lives, wish for our unconditional love and approval from their parents. We shouldn’t ask that from our own children. If we are, it means we haven’t received it from our own parents and need to deal with that – maybe on a therapists office! Our job is to teach children respectful and responsible behavior and to model the same. We cannot expect from them what we cannot model and teach.
This has been very heplful to me…I am 25 years old,single,have a 15 month old baby, and I’m having to live with my Mother until Doctor’s release me to go back to work. This is extremely hard to do, I have no income; me and my son are on welfare until I can go back to work…My Mom supports us fully, I buy all the groceries on my Access (foodstamp) Card. We (my son and I) only have so much for our groceries I try to only buy so much a month and try to make it last as long as possible before I run out of food money for the month…Between me and my Mom we argue and bicker over every little thing…..This is definately going to help. I’ve booked marked this page and I’m going to print it out and leave it laying around for Mom to run across and read…If I give it to her to read, she’ll jump up and say “this is just another form of disrespect!! how dare you use my computer, my ink, to get back at me!!” If she’s not willing to change I am..I want to do things right…Even if its hard for me to respect her, I do need to honor her…God says so and I need not to disobey my heavenly Father. I want to do things right, even if my Mom the one who raised me right to follow GOd, doesn’t I have too. My son is watching me and i would never want him to disrpect me or dishonor me. I want him to follw GOd, like I have even if he falls away and the Lord taries much longer, I know Jesus is always there going to be talking to him even if he doesn’t want to listen…Eventually my son will come back to God…Hopefully that won’t happen..I believe that he won’t but he has plenty of time to grow up and be a kid before he ever has to make adult decisions. Thank you so much…I needed to read this article.
I am always bein told by my adult kids…..mom can u talk lower mom can u stop repeatng urself…..mom can u stop…..they forget how many times when they r growing up u repeated urself and how many times u said lower ur voice to them. Its. like ur a child when when u go visit them and u have to watch wat u say how u say it and at wat volume u say it in. You never hear my mom is great and i love when we hang out. Its always u give me a headache u complain Too much. If it wasn’t for having a great. Amount of good friends who always tell me how. Amazing. I. am as a person and friend. I would truly believe someone would have to lock me up for possible alztimers or extreme bipolar….no offence to anyone who has these diseases. I am reminded by several of my kids mom r u sure u do dont have this or that……anyone out there get the sames…..and just to say my dr says i am fiine and normal as normal can be…..lol
You may have saved me,even if just for today. I suffer from major depression and was just having a pretty good breakthrough when I looked on the computer and saw my beautiful, wonderful caring 29 year old daughtershowing off her 6th <not small, tatoo. I wanted to divorce her.
I am having a setback -went besserk with a note to her, which Ithankfully erased ,but if we tolerate the first ones ,why can they not have some caring and respect knowing they are hurting us and choose togo rock climbing for the day instead?
I was actually looking for anything on the topic of parents going out to bars and socializing with their adult children on that level and came across this article. I enjoyed reading it. Respect is very important to me and I set boundaries with my children young and adult and there are certain lines that should not be crossed.
I would like to read anything on the subject of parents drinking and socializing with their adult children. Any leads?
Thanks,
i agree with everything you said, but what if you have been there for them, forsaking any kind of dating relationship, so that there would be no chance or molestation, they grow up move out of state, and the first time you find out they are in town, is on Facebook, and their excuse is that they are at the mercy of their friends, who have the cars…if it were me, my friends would already understand that MOM is #1, that she was there when dad wasn’t so take me there first, at least, to get a hug or kiss… so i don’t get it, she’s been in town 2 days or more, all i have gotten is text messages…i am very hurt.
this is to bad you have to right advantages and disadvantages in table form
This article was very informative and very helpful in what is presently happening in our home. I am praying now that Our Heavenly Father will use scripture to show that we must have a mutual respect in order to show each other that we love each other. God Bless the one who wrote this article it allowed us a starting point.
You really need to give respect to get it back when it comes to kids and I know that can be tricky when kids are very sassy and like talking back with the attitude of they are always right. With an adult son or one who is at least 18 fathers can gain some mutual respect by doing things with them that show that they are respected and seen as an adult not a child in their eyes. Maybe sitting down one night and smoking some cigars together while having a good talk could help.
BRAVO,HALLELUIAH, Amen amen amen amen, fantastic, smart, witty, inspiring and to the point! I was beginning to get extremely exhausted researching all the web threads and advice. The recent books about broken ties between adult children and parents always seemed to focus on… if repair is desired it’s parents who need to change their views and opinions and take the first step towards acceptance and reconciliation. It all felt so acquiescent and one sided – none of it felt honorable.
The web is chalk full of people of all ages and situations – parents and grown children that all seem to be deeply hurting – then they try to fix it by hurting each other some more with “estrangement”.
Of course every relationship has it’s own demons – however in my opinion I feel you cover a solution that spans a host of demons.
10,000 Blessings and more, I love your mind.
Ever Grateful,
Mom-Linda
Great insight, am also in the same hole parents disrespecting. Am in my 40’s. Am so afraid to visit my parents home, all i want is run away. So much negative. Am going through some financially difficulty, but what i get from them is nasty interaction. The “Usual we told you so”!!!!. I have decided from now on to zip…. not to tell anything. it’s just hello from now on…. its getting borderline hating my parents kinda thing…
I am 60 year old mom of 5 very grown kids. When I act ,do,answer the phone right, have a perfect attitude, and don’t talk to them we are estranged but they are fine with it.i am totally in love with my kids. I miss them when they ignore me which is a lot. I raised them alone and as long as mom does as they say we’re ok. I want to be with them a lot but they don’t come around. We live in the same town. I worry all the time about how I’m left out of their lives. What is wrong with me?
Thank you SO MUCH! Finally a piece that recognizes respect goes both ways. So many of the blogs I’ve read address the mother’s controlling, interfering actions – this is the first one I’ve seen that acknowledges the adult child may be he one who is over-bearing and constantly correcting her mother. I get so worn down by “your fingernails are too long” (actually they’re pretty short); your religious philosophies are too shallow (it’s not enough to have compassion for your fellow beings – you need to have a ‘get down on your knees’ relationship with JC) “if you’d exercise/eat healthier you wouldn’t have that problem” (I hardly ever mention any aches/pains I might have to her anymore); “that comment you made was inappropriate and not conducive to proper raising and influence for my children” (I try to weigh every word that comes out of my mouth); and so forth and so on. My approach to this has been to take deep breaths, apologize to her for whatever I might have done/said/thought/etc, acknowledge she is right, that I know better, etc. She can be so loving and caring, but sometimes her determination to ‘make me over’ really gets to me. Thanks for letting me vent. 65-year-old Mom of a 43-year-old daughter.
I am 27 year old boy and staying at home doing business with my dad..I’ve completed my studies….Actually, I want to help him and make a business successful but sometimes things doesn’t go in the way I desire..He says something to do which i think is not so good but i should do as he is my dad and this internally frustrates me and makes me depressed..Sometimes, i feel like leaving the house and settling on my own by doing some other job and again i feel that i should stay with him and support him…I’m getting confused day by day and my decision making power is becoming weak..What should i do?
Shall i do the business or shall i settle on my own?
Thank you for addressing this important and far-reaching question in your blog. Very good advice. We never stop learning and I, at the age of 64 years, am finally developing a relationship with a woman for the first time in my life. Yeah, . . . the old career thing.
I would very much appreciate if you could expand on your advice here to cover this complicated situation.
My friend is a mother of two daughters. She lives with one daughter and two male grandchildren, ages 24 and 26. She did in fact virtually raise the grandchildren and they are as devoted to her as she is to them. The daughter has a boyfriend who lives thousands of miles away. Ocassionally she travels to stay with him, or he travels and stays with her. So it is a “modern values” kind of family.
My concern is that I would like to stay overnight and sleep (nothing more) with my friend at her house (my apartment is very small and not in an appropriate setting). Perhaps in time something more will develop.
I would very much appreciate some advice on how to handle the situation with dignity and respect for my friend and her family, especially her grandsons who seem quite inexperienced and niaive compared to their peers.
Would it be best to stay over and sleep in a spare room for a few times before letting my/our intentions known ?
Thanks again for your excellent advice !
-=Paul=-
Thankyou for such positive insight we should all live by this cheers!!
I need my two sons to read this. Both my boys are stubborn. My youngest boy age 26 is just getting out of the marines. He has one child his own she’s 3. He has two step children are 7&8, both girls. The step children haven’t any actual child support coming in from the dad.
So the two older girls my son fully pays for and uses his benefits for their expensive dentist bills and their medical insurance. I treat my step granddaughters like I do my blood granddaughter. When I take my granddaughter something I make sure to take three. My son asked me to love down near his house to help with his kids after school. I found a home I bought ten minutes away from his house. I left living at the beach for living in 118 heat in summer. I still have a house at beach but I left my ex husband living in it. My two sons know what’s going on on my life and My youngest son seemed ok that my friend came out with me and now was helping me with rent that I needed help with each month making my mortgage payment. My son wasn’t paying me a single red cent for using My gas to drive and pick up his two older girls from school three days a week. He wasn’t paying me at all for watching the kids period. I wasn’t asking for money either. My ex was in a better place with me in a home we own and not me renting some apt for more money and I have three dogs too. It was smart to buy rather than waste money renting a 475sq ft apt with a car port only. But this same son talks to my ex and that’s not good because my ex has been in car business 46 years and knows how to manipulate without you knowing he’s doing it. Suddenly my ex is claiming he is broke we have no money he tells me. Thats when I decided to let my friend stay n pay half the mortgage payment. Thinking it helped the situation. My ex who tech isn’t yet on paper my ex dropped me from all health insurance through his work. So right there thats 857.00 saved on my end not to mention the fact that I moved everything out of our storage into my place. Another saving making it 1000 a month saved. My ex then is HARRASSING me daily about getting a real job. Then ex cuts even more expecting me to live off 600.00 a month and 400.00 is mortgage payment. My bills like electric, water, cable, internet,phone, gas for my vehicle and food are another 500.00 if I’m hardly eating. So that leaves me flat broke and not even making my bills each month. My friend works when there’s work. I’ve applied to 37 places but I’m also 55 years old. 20-45 year olds are beating me out of my positions I use to get no problem in past years. My ex a couple years ago was off 8 months trying to get a job when unemployed in a industry he is well known in and in a town he has lived 15 years. My son told him about my friend living with me and that started so much trouble for me it ain’t funny. First off it’s really not my sons business to be discusing anything of my private life with my ex. Then when everything had been going good with the grand kids my son n his wife out of the blue didn’t want my friend over to their house. I spent thanksgiving with my friend serving the homeless with Salvation Army near me home. It was a nice thanksgiving but a painful one for me too. My friend has only helped my son and his wife with moving them, doing stuff around their house for them, & my friend when my son was I. Bootcamp a few years back even picked my son up three hours away and drive him back to my house for 24 hour visit with me then drove him back for me. I gave my daughter in law my good 1,500.00 camera, my dinning set with China cabinet, patio tables and couches, all my Halloween and Christmas decorations. I’m easy to get along with, I don’t judge how they raise their kids, I praise them always for the great job I see them doing. My sons taken on a lot of responsibility and I worry about him a lot. But it’s his life. I try to be very helpful. I don’t act like I’m number one and his wife is second fiddle. I try to give good advice when asked for advice and not take side knowing that there’s three sides to every story, his,hers,and the truth that’s somewhere in the middle. Like I said I treat all three kids like they are blood relatives. It’s not cheap buying three of everything all the time. I have two other grand children from my older son also. I never tell my kids who to hang with, I don’t make scenes about their choices for mates. I’m so angry about my son turning on me and telling me I should dump the friend CUZ if not I can only visit alone at his house. None of his reasons are real reasons. My son says I can come to dinner without my friend this after one day when my friend had helped me for two weeks straight unpack my house and I had no other help and friend was going back home next day. I promised friend a steak for his last night to thank him for all his hard work. Then my son calls and says lets bar bq!!!!! So I’m thinking ok. Let’s get together all of us and bar bq? Wrong! My don wanted me to dump my friend. Leave him at home and come over and bar bq! I was so shocked.
To date I don’t watch the kids any more. I see my granddaughter every two weeks. Today I picked her up and took her to see Santa claus at the mall. The kids know something’s wrong. I let my kids be their own person. When they mess up I let them handle it but I’ll help if they seriously are in a bind. No one else helps in the family. My family is judgemental. My sister is so different now that our parents have been gone 20 years. I miss my parents so much. I got along with them very well. Mutual respect is what we had for each other. I don’t know where I went wrong except to say my ex is a guy who says hurtful things in order to get what he wants and i think my kids saw a lot of the distinction between us. Bad! It’s amazing what kids pick up on, they aren’t stupid.
I don’t know what to do with my son who is flat out mean with me after I moved two hours from my old home to be near and help out with his family. I don’t trust him. He is hurtful. He blames his wife but I blame him because he knows me. He claims to wear the pants in family. Clearly then he doesn’t if all this is from his wife suddenly not liking maybe the closeness Id gotten with the three girls. I checked to make sure that my friend didn’t say something off color. It wasn’t that at all.
Any advice anyone has Id love to hear it. Thanks and happy holidays
If my mothet keep talking about the same things week after week i tell her so and i ask her is this a worry on you thst you talkabout this all the time i say its been like thst for years why tslk about it all the time and she tell me i am beiñg mean but i am tried of hearing it week sftet week so i try to eadr her mind by telling het its nothi g ñew is that wrong i am 56 and my mothet is 77 .
Hi tbankyou.however I believe I’m too late.i have 23 yr old who treats me and his sister terribly. .I need your advice. Tx
We recently allowed my son, his wife, and two small children to move in. The rule was she was to work 20 hours per week, he was to get enrolled in school and get a part time job. Easy enough. What I’ve seen is two adults act more like rebellious 16 year olds. They hide alcohol in his old room. They sleep until noon. She only works two or three hours a week due to supposedly being “trained”, which I don’t buy. My son says he is job searching, but we see nothing to indicate he has done so. The daughter in law name calls and makes smart remarks under her breath, refuses to help, withholds the grandkids when she’s mad at us and refuses to respect anything we ask her to do (such as not letting water run, not keeping frig door open). My son name calls and screams at me – but only when his dad isn’t home to see it firsthand. Had I known the hell we would be dealing with (it’s only been a month), I NEVER would have opened my doors to them. Since we are their last ditch effort, one would think they would get it, but I just do not see this happening. SIGH>
Respect is something everyone deserves, it always has been something that should be given not earned; it is only “disrespect” that should have to be earned. Also, accepting everyone for who they are also makes for ideal relationships, and if you feel someone is doing something wrong, don’t berate them about it, point it out to them gently and suggest possible solutions; criticism almost never helps, out of all the criticism that occurs in this world (excluding professional criticism of course) the amount of which that even remotely falls under the category of “constructive” is less than the percentage of water filtered naturally beneath the earth, which I believe is <.000000001%.
Had relationship with my daughter’s father-in-law for 8 yrs…..it was good but my daughter and her husband thought it was ‘weird.” We broke up four yrs. ago and now we would like to start seeing each other again. I am afraid to tell my children because I am afraid I will lose them and they are all that I have. What do I do?
..I wish I could say this is how it works for me and my mother, but it doesn’t. I don’t tell her what to do or judge her,etc. However, I am 23 and live in my own apartment and I have a 3 year old who will be 4 soon. I am also pregnant and due in a couple months. I am an adult and a mom…and yet, my mother continues to insist I do things her way..she wants me to be a cna like her..she continuously pushes the issue even though I’ve explained time after time I don’t want to be a cna and she gets irritated at me bc I don’t want to do what she wants me to do. She gets irritated when I spend the night at baby daddy’s house for a week or so. He helps me with my 3 year old which is wonderful and it also allows us all to spend time together. With me already having issues and being told by my doc to take it easier..I don’t see the problem. Also, aren’t I allowed to go where I please? I’m an adult. She gets irritated bc I’m around him, and he smokes…I know I’m pregnant and secondhand smoke isn’t good..but she doesn’t get mad when I’m around my sister and my sister’s fiance and they smoke…I don’t understand her need for control..its irritating..she also gets irritated when she asks if il come over and I tell her I already have plans to spend time with my baby’s dad and i ask if I can come over a day when I’m free…he is an emt and an ambulance driver so he’s constantly away..I can only see him when he has time..she constantly expects me to cancel plans with him to come over to her house…I understand she wants to spend time with us..but she is home every night, I could come by any time..he is not..he’s only home every now and then..he even had to work Christmas night, out saving lives, and I’m not complaining by any means, we got to spend christmas morning with him…my point is she is pushing limits…also, when I tell her I don’t agree with the wic program here, and I explain that I don’t think I want to be in their program anymore, she says I need to stay in the program…when I say I want to draw, bc I am a decent artist..she doesn’t even listen. She just says something about me needing to go back to school and needing to get my cna license so I can do what she does….she’s trying to control what I do, who I am with, and decisions about my parenting…a lot of the time I feel like I have no control over my life and what I want bc she just steps in and tells me what to do..I am not happy bc of it…but I don’t how to make her just stop and step back and let me live..any advice? :/
I cast my vote. Gosh it would be so nice if the “partners’ of my kids could read this! I am not trying to be the kids mommy anymore…..they have to live with their decisions. I have always taught them that.
I do believe that respect should be a two way street. How hard is that to comprehend ? What part about this don’t they get…..as professional people, I assumed they would be smart enough to understand. And just because I am not considered a “professional” does not mean I can be disregarded from mutual respect.
R.
Slightly agree, but I still think parents deserve more respect.
An amazing testimony on a spell caster who brought my husband back to me. My name is Natasha Reagan,i live in Ontario Canada,and I’m happily married to a lovely and caring husband called Collins Reagan ,with two kids. A very big problem occurred i was married for (5)five years out children and my husband left me alone and run away with another woman .so terrible that he took the case to court for a divorce. he said that he never wanted to stay with me again,and that he didn’t love me anymore. So he packed out of the house and made me passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get him back,after much begging,but all to no avail. And he confirmed it that he has made his decision,and he never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i meant an old friend of mine who asked of my husband .So i explained every thing to her,so she told me that the only way i can get my husband back,is to visit a spell
caster,because it has really worked for her too. So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow her advice. Then she gave me the email address of the spell caster whom she visited.{aidamenbordgreat@yahoo.com}. So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address she gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my husband back very soon. What an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then after three days, So surprisingly, my husband who didn’t call me for the past seven {7}months,gave me a call to inform me that he was coming back. So Amazing!! So that was how he came back the nest day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before and now I’m a mother of twins a boy and a girl and the kids are wonderful and lovely,by the help of a spell
caster. So, i will advice you out there to kindly visit the same email address {aidamenbordgreat@yahoo.com},if you are in any condition like this,or you have any problem related to “bringing your ex back,Bareness,Madness e.t.c .So thanks to Dr Aidamenbor D Great for bringing back my husband ,and brought great joy to my family once again. {aidamenbordgreat@yahoo.com}, Thanks…
Thank you for this article.
As a middle-aged child of aging parents I’ve been having some tough relationship problems with my mother & step-dad. They are hyper critical of everything I say & do & it seems there’s just no pleasing them.
I lost my husband to cancer & my best friend to suicide a few years ago & then my family withdrew from me as well. That was hard to take but I accepted it eventually & tried to let it go.
Since then I’ve tried to remain upbeat & positive around my them but they seem bent on finding ways to bring me down, turning positives into negatives.
eg: I bought a house (my 1st) alone after my husband died & moved 200 miles (closer to my folks). I respect their privacy & lives & don’t interfere or impose on them in any way.
Never ask them for money, etc. but if they need me or a place to stay I’m here for them.
I live alone & have learned how to do a lot of the things I would formerly have relied on my husband for. I’m proud of myself for stretching beyond my comfort levels & learning how to repair cars, plumbing, appliance on my own to save myself money.
It’s rewarding & when my mom asks what I’ve been up to I try to share these experiences with her because to me they are positive things. In my eyes, I’m looking forward, bettering myself. I would expect her & my step-dad to approve of & encourage this but they don’t.
eg: I told my mom I’d successfully repaired some HVAC ducting in my attic myself saving hundreds of dollars, had repaired my faulty stove & learned how to flush my water heater& her only response was “Won’t it blow up?”
Even though I’m an adult, I still crave affection & encouragement from my parents.
I still have an innate need to try & make them proud. I don’t know why I can’t ever win their approval. I finally gave up & stopped hoping for any emotional support from them but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hurt.
I don’t know the answer to my dilemma. I’ve tried to get them to open up & talk to me because I know there’s some reason behind their veiled hostility but they won’t tell me what it is.
I can’t confront them about it because fly into a rage, deny everything they’ve said to me then accuse me of being crazy & making it all up.
Thanks for reminding me why this hurts & how I still do need them. I guess my feelings aren’t too over the top after all & that’s comforting to know.
We all have different reasons why those of us who contacted Obudun Magonata to help us make our faithful to us some of us did it for lover, because of their children or health condition or even because they wanted not to be alone. For me it was non of those though i love my husband and don’t want to raise our teens alone . The reason why i contacted Obudun Magonata to help me with a spell truly was because my husband was running for one of the seats in the Riksdag,the national legislative body of Sweden. Now i am not going to say if he won or under what party for security reasons i did not ask for a spell to make him win or something NO i just asked for a spell to make him stop being a chronic Womanizer it was going to affect his campaign. I have lived with him for 20 years and after countless occasions of catching him cheating on me i have come to live with him like that though it hurts to death. I wish i knew all along all those years about Obudun the Great spell caster maybe my life would not have been this way. Like i was saying, His womanizing behavior got him into a lot of trouble and if any of those stories where to hit the press it would have destroyed his life and this political career and probably landed him in jail. With all the advise from me and his advisories of his campaigning team it was still not enough to bring him to caution. I went to the extreme to make sure he stops willingly or unwillingly that is i meant with some of his lover and asked to pay them off but they were not ready to let go it. I think he offered them something more that money that even with the amount i offered them, they all refused and believe me it was very surprising and they will turn down a large amount of money. We my husband got to know about it he mad mad at me and gave all sort of threats. I was confused and his opposition were digging to find dirt on him and still was so convinced that they will not find anything but they did only with no evidence that was how lucky we were. Right then i took matters in my hand and contacted Obudun Magonata with the email address i saw on the internet i contacted him and told him what i want him to do for me to make my husband be faithful to me till our dying day and make all those people looking for how to bring down my husband stop. OK note my husband is a very honest man who would not hurt a fly he was just careless and always picked the wrong kinds of woman that get him in trouble. Obudun Magonata asked that i provide 4 kind of item me being so careful employed expert to help me get those materials mailed them over to him. I sent a total some of 3000 dollars when converting from Swedish Krona to American dollars. And it much much cheaper if i had asked him to get them for me. But whats done is done. Just after four day sent me a package, not telling its content but is totally harmless and told me how to make the spell effective. I did as he told me and in two my husband somehow magically broke tires with all the women he was involved with i don’t know how it happen and those people trying to kill his political ambition stopped immediately. I wish i knew this Great man all along my life would have been perfect. His campaign team did not understand how i did it and what i did they were just happy all the worse is past. What wow me the most about Obudun Magonata was that the told me the out come of the election before the election date last years because all this happened last year and just what he said will happen really came to pass. And again i can’t give full info because of security reasons. I little advise for those that are going to contact him via this email (spiritsofobudunmagonata@ (yahoo). com) rewrite to usual email format if you are asked for material to do the spell don’t go about it yourself Because you will waste a lot time and money on it and get to see asking him to get them for you with the total cost you wire to him will save you a lot. You have nothing be be afraid you can trust him with anything Because all he does is help people no matter how hard it may be.
Great article!
OMG. I printed this out, and am sending it to my 23 year old daughter.
It would be even better if she actually reads it!
We all have different reasons why those of us who contacted Akpe Osilama to help us make our faithful to us some of us did it for lover, because of their children or health condition or even because they wanted not to be alone. For me it was non of those though i love my husband and don’t want to raise our teens alone . The reason why i contacted Akpe Osilama to help me with a spell truly was because my husband was running for one of the seats in the Riksdag,the national legislative body of Sweden. Now i am not going to say if he won or under what party for security reasons i did not ask for a spell to make him win or something NO i just asked for a spell to make him stop being a chronic Womanizer it was going to affect his campaign. I have lived with him for 20 years and after countless occasions of catching him cheating on me i have come to live with him like that though it hurts to death. I wish i knew all along all those years about Akpe Osilama the Great spell caster maybe my life would not have been this way. Like i was saying, His womanizing behavior got him into a lot of trouble and if any of those stories where to hit the press it would have destroyed his life and this political career and probably landed him in jail. With all the advise from me and his advisories of his campaigning team it was still not enough to bring him to caution. I went to the extreme to make sure he stops willingly or unwillingly that is i meant with some of his lover and asked to pay them off but they were not ready to let go it. I think he offered them something more that money that even with the amount i offered them, they all refused and believe me it was very surprising and they will turn down a large amount of money. We my husband got to know about it he mad mad at me and gave all sort of threats. I was confused and his opposition were digging to find dirt on him and still was so convinced that they will not find anything but they did only with no evidence that was how lucky we were. Right then i took matters in my hand and contacted Akpe Osilama with the email address i saw on the internet i contacted him and told him what i want him to do for me to make my husband be faithful to me till our dying day and make all those people looking for how to bring down my husband stop. OK note my husband is a very honest man who would not hurt a fly he was just careless and always picked the wrong kinds of woman that get him in trouble. Akpe Osilama asked that i provide 4 kind of item me being so careful employed expert to help me get those materials mailed them over to him. I sent a total some of 3000 dollars when converting from Swedish Krona to American dollars. And it much much cheaper if i had asked him to get them for me. But whats done is done. Just after four day sent me a package, not telling its content but is totally harmless and told me how to make the spell effective. I did as he told me and in two my husband somehow magically broke tires with all the women he was involved with i don’t know how it happen and those people trying to kill his political ambition stopped immediately. I wish i knew this Great man all along my life would have been perfect. His campaign team did not understand how i did it and what i did they were just happy all the worse is past. What wow me the most about Akpe Osilama was that the told me the out come of the election before the election date last years because all this happened last year and just what he said will happen really came to pass. And again i can’t give full info because of security reasons. I little advise for those that are going to contact him via this email (chiefpriestakpeosilamaspellcast@ (yahoo). com) rewrite to usual email format if you are asked for material to do the spell don’t go about it yourself Because you will waste a lot time and money on it and get to see asking him to get them for you with the total cost you wire to him will save you a lot. You have nothing be be afraid you can trust him with anything Because all he does is help people no matter how hard it may be.Please beware some people might copy this comment and change the name of this spell caster and his mailing address read carefully and observe it was posted please and be original and not just that note that there are several people out that are not real spell caster apart from Akpe Osilama that helped me, The rest ripped me off my hard earned money .
Dear Danielle,
I read this article searching for someone who would understand what I am going through with my adult son. He is now married to a very sweet girl and is expecting their first child and sometime in his early 20’s began picking apart the life choices my husband and I made. We were young parents but never absent parents and worked very very hard and had lots and lots of fun with our children. We were never rich but not exactly poor and now he is about to be a father and he never misses a chance to say to me “don’t take this the wrong way but…” you get the idea. Most are things regarding house repairs, etc. His wife’s parents started late in life and planned very well. I can’t measure up at all. I’m lost. Thank you for your insight, with tears rolling down my cheeks. Mary
My long winded reply was erased. Basically is it rude awful if i limit relations with my parents?? Im an only child. Im 40 with 2 kids and separated for 2 years. Parents are 60. They are very toxic and i become like them when im around them. They are negative compare to others critisize hate others tell me im doing it all wrong from parenting to life because they didnt do it that way. Its exhausting and emotionally draining. I just cant listen to it so i limit visits. They are alone they have pushed people away. Plus my dad has a long term mistress my mom knows of and my parents have an awful marriage. They use me as a buffer so their life isnt so miserable. They make me feel guilty but I feel i need to set these boundaries with them. Thoughts??
My question is, is it okay for a parent to talk down to their adult kid most of the time? From simple tasks, to regular everyday chatter?
Because the admin of this web page is working, no doubt very shortly it will be famous, due to its feature contents.
I absolutely love this – I am having a tough time with my parents at the moment (i am 35 and have 3 children 10 9 and 7). My mother thinks that she is right and constantly belittles my way of raising my kids, the way i do my cleaning, the things I eat, the time i spend on myself and the way I spend my money. Im glad im not the only one that thinks there should be mutual respect.
Finally, I read an article that do not make a parent looks like a controlling freak or and oppressor or need to be manipulated by their kids.
In my personal experience with my father, he wanted me as an adult child to grow up. If he wanted me to grow up,
why would he still treat me as a child? My father is deceased. Does still come down to mutual respect? According to my mother, my father could never say he was sorry or to ask for forgiveness.
Wow, can you please adopt me? As much as I respect my parents, they are on the opposite spectrum to the way you are. My parents find it their duty to dictate everything about my life – the people I meet to the person I marry. It’s hard.
I LOVE YOU!! “LIFE IS AN EXPERIMENT” WOW!! HANDS DOWN!
I just turned 18 and my parents are Pentecostal and very set on keeping me in church despite the fact that I have already talked to them once about myself having no interest in attending. I’m also homosexual which I know is a big thing for them to try to deal with but I want my parents to respect my personal opinions and stop treating me like an ignorant child. Anyone have some advice?
I truly agree with the above statement. But I have a “But” to the above. I grew up in an environment that we all kissed and hugged one another in our family. My daughter just recently told me that I have dis-respecting her by kissing her and she feels uncomfortable when I do. I never really realized that she was serious, i had alway kissed her cheek and hugged her. So when she told me this at the age of 29 that she is now, it shocked me….I never knew that that made her feel uncomfortable. I have been living with her for 6 months now and her husband and new baby.
How can you get angry with your parent when they didn’t truly get it….not really realize that, that was something you truly felt uncomfortable with. We had made a pack that if anything bother one another, that we would talk about it, so how come she is not doing this. In the not to distance past she was getting upset with me when I would say, did you eat? did you put bug spray on? she was getting angry with me but wouldn’t say anything until I got mad and said why are to talking to me like this….If you are an adult that you say you are, then you need to communicate with your parent in talking to them, not get and feel upset and angry disrespected and push them away because they are doing things that bother you and you are not talking with them…. I get it…I understand it, I get that you are a married lady and home, child husband career and doing good….but remember you must talk to your parents to let them understand you and you need to be respectful of them as they you.
This was a very good article and has definitely shone some light on my situation I had recently with my youngest in how I shouldn’t give my opinion to another son for his choices. Thanks again!
My husband believes our grown kids over me!!! My kids lie, do drugs and he believes them before he will believe me….. Help what do I do????
I’m and adult live in the same building as my parents . I have kids and had a girlfriend. But my mom like to make decision for me . And getting involve in everything I decide . Is that respect? Or what is it called ?
That’s all good advise but if one respects and the other dosesnt then its not only a one way street its a dead end. What if I want to respect my mom but as a result she returns my respect with even more disrespect
well informed and very helpful article.
Love it! Thanks you have helped me today
Nice and educative write up. I am 24 and I stay with my mum(single mum) because I work here. Anytime she’s upset she either beats me or send me out of the house…please is this training or disrespecting from her because a times I feel like having to relocate to another apartment will be the solution but as a lady they say it’s not right to stay alone as long as you are not married. I just feel there should be mutual respect as earlier said in the write up bath from parents down to their children by then they respect you more. Thank you
Very helpfull indeed cause im a divorced parent and sometimes where there are more grandparents than its difficult how to relate to your grand children. And your adult kids wanting still answer,s all the time. So we as parents still need all the advice to help them further in their marriages and how to be responsible in their roles as adults thank you for your advice.
My son pick me up from Ohio to come to Florida and live with him and his family. I need to know how to handle this where I’m about to tell you is that he will not let me go out and date. I feel like he treats me like his daughter he’s very overprotective I can understand him being somewhat protective because I’m handicapped I had Polio in my right leg as a child I walk with a crutch under my left leg now but I have met and talked with friends and at the age of 62 I would like to enjoy the rest of my life have a companion being a relationship because I get lonely my son his wife and the kids my grandkids I love all of them dearly but I am used to being with someone I think you know what I mean I don’t have to explain it what do I do he refuses to let anyone come to the door he says I have to meet them somewhere he tells me when I should go to bed it’s getting out of control and other words and it will be hard for me to live on my own on Social Security disability but I would like to get out and meet someone and I’ve had the opportunity for them to come pick me up one person to pick me up just to go and have coffee and talk because just texting back and forth is not getting me anywhere and the gentleman is getting very frustrated because he has tried everything he has showed his driver’s license picture pictures of his house his car he has volunteered to come and have a decent conversation with my son Amanda man talk whatever what do I do? Sincerely Becky Underwood God bless
Bravo! Parents of adult children are just as important as adult children.
I felt less out of it reading your comment. I guess my question is about cultural/language differences. Also raised in poverty and an urban vs. suburban environment. Does this add a little to the mix between a mother and adult daughter.
I agree with you. My problem is that my parents talk down to me and make me feel stupid and to many rules like they don’t trust me. What should I do
Thank you for writing this! I know you wrote it years ago but I found it today and it has helped me out things into pespective.
Thanks Dr. Todd! My lover is back. I ordered the ULTIMATE LOVE SPELL and it took only 5 days to work… I feel so happy. I hope to get married soon! Todd’s contact manifestspellcast@gmail. com
Good reading. 02-26-2020
I have 2 adult daughters who I love and respect.what causes me some frustration is they want to be adults on their terms and tats fine and as it should be. But having said that when things go boobies up they run to you know who expecting me to make things better. Fool me I save the day more than once and I realise that was a mistake. They have to sort things out for themselves and if they fail they fail. I don’t think they ever would so why do they run to me. I love them and respect them but I realise in running to their rescue as I’ve done that in a way is not respecting their ability I sort their problems out. They see mum as an emotional punch bag and I’m not allowed to in anyway defend myself. It’s hard. I had a loving close relationship with my own beautiful mother and I never thought it would be this hard. Adult children today this perfect mother that has never existed. I had a poorer childhood than mine but I would never blame my poor mother. She a poorer one than me with a mother that abadoned her and a nasty father that brought prostitutes and beat them. She forgave many years later and I love her for that. I have love and compassion for her and dad who never his dad. Mine travelled the world and got the best I could give. They were loved and valued. In their world because I had the audacity to despite working full time to provide fir them and do everything around the house whilst going through a prolonged perimenopause with bad sypmtoms at 37 I a toxic mother that gave her BPD.
My adult daughter and I are going through a very rough time. She never rebelled as a teen and now at 38 I think she is searching for her identity. What you said hits home and says what I couldn’t find the words for. Thank you so much.
Thank you for this wonderful arrival. My son and his partner (28 & 32) moved back to our home yesterday. I am elated to have them and give them the chance to work hard and save to buy their own home. Although both are professional adult (Architectural Designer and Commercial Airline Pilot – it was impossible for them to pay $3,500 a month for rent plus utilities, car payments, food, phone etc and try to save for a forever home. Your article is just what I needed to help me understand how to go about this arrangement. This past year has been truly the most difficult one for us all with my Sons Cancer Diagnosis one year ago. He’s doing great but will always be a patient at Dana Farber. I want this arrangement to work so they can take advantage of paying the school loans, Now medical bills and their debt caused by this past years’ ordeal. Your advice is perfect – mutual Respect and Appreciation and a whole lot of ❤️ Thank you from the bottom of my heart! Jo xoxo
Very helpful my adult son now 28 has come back in my home and this will help me because he came back also with his children pray my strength I’m used to being quiet no noise and very clean so this article has really help me thanks ❤️
I definitely agree to this passage, because my mother does not respect me and I am 50 years old. I feel like she still see as a child, because it has been this way all of my adult life and it is very very frustrating. I love my mother more than she will ever know, because she makes it hard for me to show her how much I love her, because of how she treats me. I tell people my mother makes it hard for me to love her, most of there responses is that’s your mother, how could you feel that way or they say I don’t have my mom or my parents anymore. I have said times in my head I wish I could trade with them, I know how horrible it sounds, but try walking in my shoes, try living a life without ever having a voice, not just as a child but as a adult!! Always being disregarded, disrespected and never heard!! I said I would never be the mother that my mother is to me, with my children!!